A lot has happened since I wrote with any regularity on SpokaneFAVS: I received a Ph.D., was privileged to coach my son’s soccer team, built a deck, had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Jane Goodall and smoked a Boston butt (look it up), and I have even gone to Disneyland. One thing that has not happened yet is finding a permanent job in my career path. Since last you and I met in this little cyberspace, read-my-thoughts zone, I have been trying to land a position that allows me to utilize my experience and education in a way that fits my passion. (For the record, I know I’m not alone. Lots of people are looking for work that fulfills their heart and vocation, so this is no pity party) Ask me how I’m doing, and I will tell you it depends on the moment. The journey is a roller coaster that few could design and even fewer would desire to ride.
And speaking of roller coasters, did I mention I went to Disneyland? Well, I did. Through some good planning of resources, my family and I just got back from spending three days in the “Happiest Place on Earth.” The place is amazing in its efficiency and organizational ability to produce moments in which people can disconnect from reality and enjoy being a kid again or some such desire. For the record, I have a love-hate relationship with this concept. I love seeing people happy. I love seeing an organization be so good at what they do. I dislike seeing the sheer abundance of resources used every day, and I struggle with human escapism and the glorification of adolescence.
So it was a little weird when about halfway through the trip, I found myself escaping something. No, it wasn’t a Peter Pan-esque moment in which I released the boy within. Instead, I escaped the constant, nagging, persistently scheming thoughts of how I need to find a position, how I need to position myself better, how I can show a hiring committee that I’m the right fit. Most importantly, however, I didn’t escape to my own world. In fact, I left it. As my every-moment job thoughts subsided, the precious voices of my two sons and wonderful wife allowed me to become part of the family again.
Marian Wright Edelman said, “Learn to be quiet enough to hear the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in others.” All of my inner chatter was disrupting my ability to connect with those who are most near and dear to my heart. Over those days in the land of the Mouse, I realized that somewhere on my journey to find a job that shares my research regarding how people connect to one another, I had lost the very thing I prize most: my ability to deeply listen to and appreciate the genuine self in others. I had come to worry so much about my own position (or lack thereof) that my selfish inner monologue had drowned out my desire to listen to others.
The ability to listen dramatically changes lives. I have seen a great deal of evidence showing this to be true. It requires involvement in someone else’s life. It follows a person to the finish of their thoughts rather than thinking of how your experience is similar or different, better or worse. It engages in the story of another person at the momentary expense of your own.
You don’t have to go to Disneyland to learn how to listen. In fact, I discourage it. You just have to remind yourself that the person you’re with has a valuable story that you can share in. And then focus on it. Lose yourself in what they are saying. That just may be the happiest, or possibly the saddest, but certainly the most genuine place on earth.
