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When a marriage ends, the pain is palpable. It feels as though someone has died. Every first feels like a last: The first time we slept apart. The first time it hit me that we’ll never have children together. The first time we talked on the phone without saying I love you.

The hardest goodbye

When a marriage ends, the pain is palpable. It feels as though someone has died. Every first feels like a last: The first time we slept apart. The first time it hit me that we’ll never have children together. The first time we talked on the phone without saying I love you.

No one plans for this.

On the day we married, we imagined our life together would last forever. We were — and still are — utterly in love, but time has changed things. There’s no longer an “us.” Our hearts are breaking for each other and for ourselves.

Anaïs Nin said, “Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.”

While things have been tarnished for some time, there’s no blame, no anger. Just countless tears and many questions. What happens now?

People say God will never give you more than you can handle, though I’m not convinced of the truth of that statement.

As I pray for strength for both of us, I weep. The loss of our marriage is painful to bear. It shrouds us both in a sadness we’ve never before faced.

Change in life is inevitable, and our heartache will be healed in time. But for now, we are forced to face it, to sit with it as one sits with the dying.

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