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Listening is a Healing Art

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By Paul Graves

For many years, hearing aids have been a regular reminder to me of how fragile our ears can be.  I don’t have hearing aids myself, but countless people I know use them.

Likewise, in a variety of settings, I have long heard (and listened to) people confuse the acts of “hearing” and “listening.”  For me, hearing refers to the capacity to hear a sound; while listening refers to the capacity to identify a meaning behind the sound.          

For me, hearing is primarily a literal function of the ear.  Listening is primarily a metaphorical function of the heart. 

Hearing is Physical

Hearing is mostly a passive act, and happens on a single level, the physical level (“I just heard a siren.”).   Listening is mostly an active act, and happens through layers of questions, like:  (“Was it a police, ambulance or fire siren?  What direction did it come from?  What event prompted the siren?  Is anyone injured?”)

Put another way, hearing responds only to the language of sounds.  On the other ear, listening responds to the sounds of language. 

A person yells at you “I love you.”  If he is right next to you, you might be tempted to dismiss the words because the volume doesn’t quickly fit the message.  If he is 75 yards away, the louder tone is more appropriate.

Listening and Language

Listening also has to deal with multiple “languages” – sound, body, emotion, relationships, a sound’s tone or rhythm, a consistent message of sound and meaning, the context of the sound.  For me, listening is much more complex, and rewarding, than the relatively simple act of hearing.

Recently, our congregation’s pre-prayer song was Ken Medema’s delightful bluesy-jazzy “Lord, Listen to Your Children Praying.”  Singing the song is a wonderful spirit-reminder for me.

Examples From the Bible

The Bible is filled with examples of God hearing the cries and pleas of individuals.  At times, God’s ear seems to be deaf to those cries.  At other times, care-full listening to the children of Israel or the early Christians seems more than a full-time job for God.

I know my distinction between hearing and listen is not universally accepted.  It need not be for my point to be valid. 

Example:  Deuteronomy 6:4-5 offers perhaps the most famous “hear” in Jewish-Christian scriptures.  Moses challenges his followers to respond to the great commandment of God: 

Hear, O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord alone.  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might

It is clear to me that “hear” in this context means:  “Listen up, Israel.  Move beyond my words to what they mean for the survival and the welfare of our people.”

When Jesus repeated the words in Mark 12:29-31, he not only heard the literal request of the scribe who asked him what the greatest commandment was.  Jesus added to his request with this crucial addition:  “The second is this:  ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’  There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Where Love Fits In

Love and listening must go together.  Love is willing the best for another person.  It’s the prime ingredient for healing listening. 

Listening is an art that is not easy to accomplish, but worth the pursuit.  Compassionate, focused acts of listening can heal  misunderstandings between persons. Unspoken needs of the most vulnerable people can begin to heal when that vulnerability is listened to with grace and respect . 

God listens to the languages of our hearts, however healthy or unhealthy they may be; and then loves us so we can use that same listening art to offer a healing moment to each other.

This column first appeared in the Spokesman-Review

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Paul Graves

About Paul Graves

Paul Graves is a retired and re-focused United Methodist pastor and a long-time resident of Sandpoint, Idaho, where he formerly served on city council and mayor. His second career is in geriatric social work, and since 2005 he's been the Lead Geezer-in-Training of Elder Advocates, a consulting and teaching ministry on aging issues. Since 1992, Graves has been a volunteer chaplain for Bonner Community Hospice. His columns regularly appear in the Spokesman-Review's Faith and Values section and he also writes the Dear Geezer column for the Bonner County Daily Bee and is the host of the bi-weekly Geezer Forum on aging issues in Sandpoint.

View All Posts

Paul Graves

About Paul Graves

Paul Graves is a retired and re-focused United Methodist pastor and a long-time resident of Sandpoint, Idaho, where he formerly served on city council and mayor. His second career is in geriatric social work, and since 2005 he's been the Lead Geezer-in-Training of Elder Advocates, a consulting and teaching ministry on aging issues. Since 1992, Graves has been a volunteer chaplain for Bonner Community Hospice. His columns regularly appear in the Spokesman-Review's Faith and Values section and he also writes the Dear Geezer column for the Bonner County Daily Bee and is the host of the bi-weekly Geezer Forum on aging issues in Sandpoint.

View All Posts

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