In times like this, the small things matter

By Elizabeth Backstrom

Over the past 25 years as a Christian, and the past four or so in the interfaith movement, I’ve heard a lot about religion. I grew up steeped in doctrine (yes, this is a thing Christians say) and know the ins and outs, now, of a few more religions besides my own. Sometimes, though, none of that matters. Like when this month happened, for example. There’s not a lot in religious doctrine that comforts me when I hear the news about Orlando, or Baghdad, or Dallas, or two more black men killed in a string of horrifying hundreds.

What, then, matters? What can one person do or say that helps another person on a day like this?
Sometimes, the answer is small. Pick up the phone. My mom answered the phone yesterday to speak with me, and she said some things about faith. They were good things, but that’s not what I remember about the call. What I’ll remember is that she took the time, when she was tired, to talk to me and comfort me when I was upset.

I remember the friends who took time to exchange texts, or met me in a bar to just talk through what’s happening in our country. The ones who have reached out privately over Facebook to start conversations about difficult topics, to disagree graciously and say thank you.

I recognize how lucky I am, so far, just to grieve for my country and my world from a distance. Many people are grieving tonight on a much deeper and more personal level, and many more feel incredibly powerless to do anything about it.

This recognition can be a paralyzing feeling. Don’t let it be that way. No matter how dark it seems, you can make a difference to someone. Answer the phone when they call. Return a text. Let them know they are loved. Just listen. You don’t have to fix it for everyone, but for one person, you might be the god they see in the world.