While doing yard work today, a young man approached me asking for a ride to a location some miles away. He shared a story of needing to meet his son, who he hadn’t seen for six months, and that he had been walking for the last five hours to get where he needed to go.
Before saying yes, I spent a minute trying to ascertain a few things: whether I had the time to drive about a half an hour; if I would be safe; if the man was trustworthy. You get the point. I was trying assess the risk of giving.
It turns out that all my questions were answered to the affirmative. I enjoyed my conversation with the young guy while we were driving, and I hope that he had a successful meeting with his son.
Back home, my wife and I spent a few minutes talking about the process of making the decision to help out. It reminded me of ways I have helped prepare students for serving alongside homeless people. For those of us who do choose to be involved with others through acts of service, a wrestling match over “who is worthy” of our service is an almost universal experience.
Whether we are aware of it or not, many of us want assurances before we give of ourselves. For example, we may want to know that people will appreciate us, that they will use our gifts responsibly, that they are industrious and got into their hardship by honest mistakes. In short, we want someone to somehow “deserve” help. We each have certain criteria by which we judge this.
As I have conducted research, it seems that any reason can be justified, but not all reasons are biblical. This concerns me because it implies that many people are either ignorant of, or unwilling to engage what the Bible says about giving to others.
I would submit that Jesus held two criteria. It seems he was interested only in whether or not someone was aware of their need and if they were willing to ask for help. For me, encountering this has been a challenge. Incorporating this into my own life has changed my perspective from helping others to valuing them.
What are your criteria for serving others?
Tracy Simmons | May 18, 2012 | 3:26pm
Great post Daryl. I think everyone deserves a little extra help. But I have to admit, I find myself hesitating sometimes because I wonder if, as a women, if I’d be putting myself in a dangerous situation.
Daryl Geffken | May 18, 2012 | 3:42pm
Tracy, great point. I understand that very well (from a different perspective, of course!)... I find that I have a double standard when it comes to my wife risking her safety…
Tracy Simmons | May 18, 2012 | 3:49pm
It’s too bad we can’t just trust that all people are kind and harmless…
Amy Rice | May 18, 2012 | 4:12pm
Daryl,
In some ways, it seems like you might be talking about two separate (but important) issues: an issue of safety, and an issue of “worthiness.”
I agree with Tracy that it is significantly different for a woman making decisions because safety is a more immediate concern.
Richard Foster, in Celebration of Discipline, covers both these issues well. On deciding who is worthy, or if we’re being taken advantage of, he states, “If we voluntarily choose to be taken advantage of, then we cannot be manipulated.” (Celebration of Discipline, 1998, p.132). On when safety should be taken into consideration: “...at the points at which it becomes destructive” (p. 120). He points out that determining what is destructive does not always have easy answers, but that it may depend on individual circumstances.
Rgarrison | May 18, 2012 | 7:37pm
Interesting to think about. I know that I am not as “christ like” in my actions as I would my heart desires. It is a struggle for me everyday. I can’t remember where but, years ago I heard a challenge of giving (service, money, etc) without telling anyone or gaining any recognition for your work. I quickly realized that these acts and gifts were more challenging for me than expected. I had been taught to do things for others but, often in a capacity where we are recognized for it. Such as church bulletin boards, potluck kitchen shifts etc. I still challenge myself daily to do nice things for others without recognition. I am delighted when I see my son do the same. True service is that which warms your own heart just for being a part of it.
This morning on the way to school my 9 year old was randomly quizzing me about the amount of charitable giving we do. Dollar amounts, to what organizations etc. I was trying to explain how they figure out who it “in need” and “qualifies” for help. I was touched by his desire to help others and the compassion for others. I was also surprised by depth of his need to know why they ended up in this type of situation to begin with. Needless to say the drive was over much too fast.
I quickly realized that I am not the most qualified person to explain giving and how it all works. All I can do is show by example what a gift it is to give. Even just a smile and a greeting to someone who appears to be down. That I can do.
Rgarrison | May 18, 2012 | 8:08pm
Yikes, should have proofed this first. LOL
Tracy Simmons | May 18, 2012 | 8:39pm
Hi Rgarrison - thanks for your comment! I think your experiement of giving without telling anyone is a great idea. I may have to try that :)
Kapo | May 19, 2012 | 1:18am
I wonder if you can guess some of the ways that I want to respond to this before I actually do. I wish I could have a round table discussion about this topic. I feel like you just barely grazed the surface of something that I continually come up against and I simply can not relate to it. I want to be very careful to not unnecessarily offend anyone or have people feel like I am judging them. God knows I have a million things in my life to work on. My failings are daily. But - this is an area where I am so eager to live out the conviction and compassion that God has rooted in me and I do think that people need to be challenged.
I am a woman. A younger woman, at that. And that has never been a factor in determining whether I was able to help someone in need. Thanks be to God, I honestly do not know what it’s like to fear for my safety due to another human being. I’m just not wired that way. So I’m definitely not going to tell people that they need to put themselves in a position where they genuinely don’t feel safe. That isn’t my place. What I will say is that I think people need to be careful with the way that they view safety. Your safety should not turn into your excuse for not helping, for not loving those that God has called us to love. One example that comes to mind is Elisabeth Elliot. She chose to go and serve a native tribe that killed her husband and every other foreigner up to that point. If safety was her main concern or her top priority then she never would have gone. Period. Was she foolish or wrong for going? Instead, she wanted to show the boundless love of God to people, even at the risk of death. The fact that it was a risk was a very significant component to it being such an act of love.
To bring the idea back around, I’ll give an example from my own life. I’m 26 now and I’ve been picking up hitch-hikers since I was 16. I have never once had any sort of negative experience. That isn’t to say that I never will. I am not acting out of naivete or ignorance, but instead out of love. I have peace with the idea that even if something were to happen to me someday, I would be content knowing that I was doing something that I felt called to do.
I’m glad that you gave him a ride. I’m sure he was glad too.
Daryl Geffken | May 19, 2012 | 11:14pm
lots of comments to attempt a response… Amy, nice insight. I imagine there are quite a few facets regarding our risk to serve others. I just reread those chapters in Foster and he has great wisdom. Thanks for bringing it up.
Robin, I love your son, and I love your realization that “all” you can do is provide an example… if only more of us were willing to do that. Keep at it. And p.s., I owe you a drink from the reunion.
KT, no surprise in your response, but lots of gratitude (and still a little concern—remember that trip to Portland?). Thanks for your heart and courage. I would love your confidence to catch fire in the hearts of so many others.
Tracy, do the experiment (just don’t tell us how it went until much later… that’s part of the whole not telling). And thank you for all you do to get this whole shebang were it is.
lglo, dt
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